Becoming the one thing in life that I wished I hadn’t. You know you have it all when everything is taken away from you, car, money, job, girlfriend, family. To my own discomfort I am failing on every single one of these right now. My car doesn’t work for shit anymore and is now fucking up even more. I don’t have enough money yet to go and fix it or buy a new one for that matter. I’m on the verge of losing my job because I have to take off so many days for school and my other job. My family doesn’t even look at me the same way anymore, though I know they love me, things have changed. And for the best part, the girl that I love thinks I’m a total douche bag, doesn’t want to speak to me, and could care less about anything I have to say to her now. Everything is just spiraling down word and it’s starting to look like there’s no end to it. Wishing now gets me no where, saying sorry just makes me feel stupid(like a fucking dumb ass).
The only good thing in my life feels like its slipping away from me now and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do anymore at all. I don’t know words to say, I don’t know shit. I’m at loss of words right now so I’m going to just shut the fuck up and go to bed. I’d say tomorrow will be different but I know now that it’s not possible at this point.
Night, I’m through..
I wish that when I get my hopes up for something, that it will actually follow through. That I won’t have to worry about it back firing on me, that I won’t have to miss out. I wish that feeling something, wasn’t so painful at times.
I wonder if any of this will ever happen for me…
People always try to impress others instead of focusing on themselves. If you have someone in your life who loves you they should be the only one you want to try to impress. If you ever have to go out of your way just to be noticed by someone else other than your lover, then you are pathetic. You shouldn’t try so hard to receive someone else’s gratitude when you’re already receiving that which you want from your lover. In the end you’re hurting yourself and your relationship by focusing on someone who in a few years time may not even matter to you.
Open your eyes and see that what’s in front of you, what your are given right now, is what you should focus on most.